Outer

Today scientists working in Japan discovered a whole new area of Cyberspace hidden to the public - The Outernet. The Outernet is only used by those who are deemed by the Internet Bureau to be worthy of advancing to the next stage. This only happens when you exceed 9999 XP and "level up" as those bureaucrats call it.
There are many advanatages to using the Outernet as opposed to the internet. Now that their secret is out, they've released a brief brochure explaining what you can do on the Outernet, and how to access it.

How to access the Outernet

You must collect 10,000 XP and level up, as we like to call it. Once this happens you will recieve an e-mail message telling you the URL where you can register your Outernet username and access it. You can then use the superior services the Outernet offers, and be safe in the knowledge there are no viruses yet for it. Alas, it's only a matter of time, so you would do well to purchase our interactive Protective Outernet Device. At only £250, it's an excellent bargain and will keep you secure for days on end! Until someone mugs you.
You collect XP by doing good deeds on the Internet, and also defeating monsters who are a higher level than you.

Reply on a forum : +1 XP
Report a scam email : +5 XP
Use 1337 speak : + 20 XP
Post a comment on a blog : + 30 XP
Help a newbie : + 80 XP
Download a game : + 100 XP
Insult a n00b : + 110 XP
Find a Chaos Emerald : + 160 XP
Defeat Charizard : +200 XP
Play Counterstrike : + 250 XP

However -

Send a scam email : - 500XP
Use 1337 speak too much : - 1,000XP
Google any kind of hentai : - 8,000 XP
Tlk lyk dis : - 99,999 XP

Good luck to everyone hoping to take advantage of the Outernet! To discover your current XP, simply complete this equation and find X (XP) :where f = your IP address, w = your age, n = planets currently recognised in the solar system, b = something or other and c = a random number.

Advantages of the Outernet

The Outernet only has 9% porn and 91% not-porn, the exact opposite of the normal internet. The few adult entertainment sites there are have the advantage of being 100% Spyware free. AOL and Tiscali have been banned from the Outernet, so that's an incentive if nothing else. It is far easier to register a domain name because very few people currently use the Outernet. It is faster and also gives you the warm, fuzzy feeling you get from being a trail-blazer. Forget Internet v2, the Outernet is here! Terms and conditions apply.

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Two things. Firstly, narerl@hotmail.com is the email address I'm using to try and acquire some spam emails. If you have any that are recent, please forward them. Hopefully a bot will notice it here and send me some crap. Why? All will become clear soon.

Secondly, here is a short video for your ocular satisfaction.