Lost
For those of you who watch this outstanding televisional extravaganza, I have managed to acquire the story lines to ALL the remains episodes of Lost! No longer will you have to wade through five more series of bizarre and somewhat supernatural events - read this and all your questions will be answered!
The Hatch : This was made as a combined project by Hitler and Jack Straw during the Sixteenth Punic War in 1995. The man you see on the video early in Series 2 is infact an elaborate puppet, rigged up by the leader of the Third Reich to fool passers-by. Also, Dharma is an acronym of Madhar, which was Hitler's high-school nickname because of the crazy way he laughs. This was a clue fans picked up on early but the creators try to play down until it becomes too obvious they are doing so. The Hatch was made to test out a new breed of Super Gibbon-Hippos which Hitler hoped could defeat the Evil Space Aliens and win the war. He did, but then the hatch was abandoned for tax reasons. The food was there because Jack Straw likes midnight feasts.
The Monster : The Monster is infact the Governor of Ursulon 5, and is nothing but a misunderstood visitor to our little planet. He/she/it fell to our planet when an American Aerospace "Defence" system shot down the Ursulon spacecraft. The creature can use its ninja skills of Agility + 4 to evade attacks and rip trees from the floor. During its first 11,347 years on Earth it hollowed out much of the island to provide spacious living quarters for itself and the weird offspring that it was brooding at the time. The developers have left this open for "Lost 2" where the misunderstood Ursulons attack New York. Also, it has the power to open jam jars without using any hands.
The Others : It turns out in the end that these people had moved to the island to avoid being thrown off their cabbage patch in Texas for being "dangerously inbred". In Series 4 the viewers were going to discover this fact. To make up for the fact that this removed much of the program's mystery, Charlie would turn out to be pregnant in a surprise twist later in the episode. It is never fully explained how this happens because it is anatomically impossible. The Others use fake beards to make themselves look older and wiser than they actually are because they are very insecure. Also, they were after Claire's baby because a radiation leak in nearby Nevada made the entire population of Texas infertile. Alas, it is only fiction.
The Miracles : Near the end of Series 6, between the Episodes where Danielle turns out to be a rabbit in a suit and the island is bought by a farming company, it all becomes clear how such unlikely events happened. Sun got pregnant because Jin has a second penis he doesn't know about himself and Jack saved his wife's life because he was lying about her "incurable" injuries. It happened to be the 1st of April that day and he thought it would be funny. What a prick. Lastly, in Series 3 there is another "miracle" which is Locke growing hair. This is merely a wig which is the final great revelation at the end of Series 7.
The Numbers : Are they related? Is it just coincidence that Hurley's 6 lottery numbers are the same numbers on the side of the hatch, and those happen to add up to the number the timer counts down? Unfortunately, it is. From notes scribbled on the side of later scripts it seemed that after putting in this great mystery, they were unable to explain it. Also, the timer in the hatch does nothing. It was put there as a joke by Desmond's ex-girlfriend (Jack Straw's sister) to keep Desmond out of the way for a few days. She didn't realise he was a bit of twit and would keep pressing the damned thing constantly. In Series 6, when they leave the switch by accident (Episode title - "You Stupid Fool"), the Egyptian Symbols displayed merely prompt a light and colour display about Ancient Egyptian Mythology from a projector concealed in a wall.
That Henry Bloke : He's a balloonist. Sorry. However, he was once arrested for speeding. In NEW JERSEY, not Minnesota. The lying bastard.
The Conclusion : Two more of the survivors die. Sawyer dies but returns to life as a consciousness within the Ursulon Governor (later he is found a new body sewn together from a panda and a walnut) while Locke gets even weirder and believes he can fly. This was not true. They eventually make a pact with the Texan inbreds, flying alien spawn and Hitler's hidden son (Series 5 - Episode Title "Johnny Hitler") to make their way off the island to safely, one second before the MEGA DOOM 3000 explodes and destroys it. While sailing back to the mainland it takes an upsettingly long time for someone to realise they left the Governor behind, but no-one seems to care.
The Hatch : This was made as a combined project by Hitler and Jack Straw during the Sixteenth Punic War in 1995. The man you see on the video early in Series 2 is infact an elaborate puppet, rigged up by the leader of the Third Reich to fool passers-by. Also, Dharma is an acronym of Madhar, which was Hitler's high-school nickname because of the crazy way he laughs. This was a clue fans picked up on early but the creators try to play down until it becomes too obvious they are doing so. The Hatch was made to test out a new breed of Super Gibbon-Hippos which Hitler hoped could defeat the Evil Space Aliens and win the war. He did, but then the hatch was abandoned for tax reasons. The food was there because Jack Straw likes midnight feasts.
The Monster : The Monster is infact the Governor of Ursulon 5, and is nothing but a misunderstood visitor to our little planet. He/she/it fell to our planet when an American Aerospace "Defence" system shot down the Ursulon spacecraft. The creature can use its ninja skills of Agility + 4 to evade attacks and rip trees from the floor. During its first 11,347 years on Earth it hollowed out much of the island to provide spacious living quarters for itself and the weird offspring that it was brooding at the time. The developers have left this open for "Lost 2" where the misunderstood Ursulons attack New York. Also, it has the power to open jam jars without using any hands.
The Others : It turns out in the end that these people had moved to the island to avoid being thrown off their cabbage patch in Texas for being "dangerously inbred". In Series 4 the viewers were going to discover this fact. To make up for the fact that this removed much of the program's mystery, Charlie would turn out to be pregnant in a surprise twist later in the episode. It is never fully explained how this happens because it is anatomically impossible. The Others use fake beards to make themselves look older and wiser than they actually are because they are very insecure. Also, they were after Claire's baby because a radiation leak in nearby Nevada made the entire population of Texas infertile. Alas, it is only fiction.
The Miracles : Near the end of Series 6, between the Episodes where Danielle turns out to be a rabbit in a suit and the island is bought by a farming company, it all becomes clear how such unlikely events happened. Sun got pregnant because Jin has a second penis he doesn't know about himself and Jack saved his wife's life because he was lying about her "incurable" injuries. It happened to be the 1st of April that day and he thought it would be funny. What a prick. Lastly, in Series 3 there is another "miracle" which is Locke growing hair. This is merely a wig which is the final great revelation at the end of Series 7.
The Numbers : Are they related? Is it just coincidence that Hurley's 6 lottery numbers are the same numbers on the side of the hatch, and those happen to add up to the number the timer counts down? Unfortunately, it is. From notes scribbled on the side of later scripts it seemed that after putting in this great mystery, they were unable to explain it. Also, the timer in the hatch does nothing. It was put there as a joke by Desmond's ex-girlfriend (Jack Straw's sister) to keep Desmond out of the way for a few days. She didn't realise he was a bit of twit and would keep pressing the damned thing constantly. In Series 6, when they leave the switch by accident (Episode title - "You Stupid Fool"), the Egyptian Symbols displayed merely prompt a light and colour display about Ancient Egyptian Mythology from a projector concealed in a wall.
That Henry Bloke : He's a balloonist. Sorry. However, he was once arrested for speeding. In NEW JERSEY, not Minnesota. The lying bastard.
The Conclusion : Two more of the survivors die. Sawyer dies but returns to life as a consciousness within the Ursulon Governor (later he is found a new body sewn together from a panda and a walnut) while Locke gets even weirder and believes he can fly. This was not true. They eventually make a pact with the Texan inbreds, flying alien spawn and Hitler's hidden son (Series 5 - Episode Title "Johnny Hitler") to make their way off the island to safely, one second before the MEGA DOOM 3000 explodes and destroys it. While sailing back to the mainland it takes an upsettingly long time for someone to realise they left the Governor behind, but no-one seems to care.
posted by Mkzrj at 8:54 am
4 Comments:
Don't forget that Sayid backwards is Diyas, or Dyas.
I think that in the final series he/she/it will pull of a mask, instantly killing everyone from boredom.
And also Dharma sounds like Karma, which sounds like korma, which is associated with chicken. Therefore everyone on the island is or will be a chicken at some point.
And so the mystery's of the island are solved, I can rest easy now... >_>
Lost is a reality TV program ! How can you know what will happen?
He is almighty.
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