Death
Captain America : An Obituary
A great tragedy has swept the world today. Killer of political and sexual deviants everywhere, Captain American has died today, aged 93 - which happens to be the age Ronald Reagen was when he died. No doubt the two Commie-killers knew each other intimately.
Disturbed by the rise of the Third Reich, young Steven Rogers enlists in the military to help fight the evil Nazis. Unfortunately he is deemed far too sad to join up and instead gets himself injected with some super-secret military toxin which turns him into Captain America. During his fights against the evils of Communism, Nazis and the Japanese. Even as early as his first graphic novel (comic book) appearence we see him punching Hitler in the face while the moronic Nazis miss with every shot despite being at point blank range and attempting to kill a red, white and blue covered pillock.
As we can see from this picture, a groinal bulge often resulted from Captain America's selfless killing of the enemies of America. This became his catchphrase "I just killed you - now I got a hard-on". He used this to his advantage and soon trademarked his special move - "The Thruster". This left a trail of mentally scarred enemies in his wake which soon became the second part of his trademark. During the final battle with his enemy Red Skull, the Nazi weird super-human evil fascist person, he used it so many times in quick succession it left Red Skull practically ripped to shreds by the ferocity of the pelvic thrusting. The downside of this was that it left our hero so exhausted he had to use the Mega Crystal of Cytllllauk to regain his manly powers.
One particular fan-favourite among the young sexually confused American boys who read his comics was the episode entitled "Attack on the March," where Captain America and his blindly partiotic allies attack a Gay Pride march and beat everyone to death.
We now relate the last interview Captain America ever did in public before his untimely death. He was suffering tragically from Alzheimers at the time.
Captain America Remembers
Interviewer : "What did you like most about being a superhero?"
Captain America : "Well...hrmm..."
I : "Superhero. Remember?"
CA : "Oh, oh yes. Killing the Communists..."
I : "Really?"
CA : "And the Japanese. Nazis were pretty...uh...fun too."
I : "I see."
CA : "With their funny little swastikas."
I : "Any particular memories?"
CA : "The thrusting."
I : "It became something of your trademark, didn't it?"
CA : "Why, it sure did Johnny!"
I : "Name's Brian."
CA : "Well Bill, I can remember my thrusting inspired a whole generation. Just like kids now spout stupid phrases from that Tiny England whatsit, there were kids in playgrounds going round thrusting all over the place."
I : "Would you say that was a good thing? You saved the youth of America?"
CA : "Without a doubt. If it wasn't for me they might all be Communists by now."
Disturbed by the rise of the Third Reich, young Steven Rogers enlists in the military to help fight the evil Nazis. Unfortunately he is deemed far too sad to join up and instead gets himself injected with some super-secret military toxin which turns him into Captain America. During his fights against the evils of Communism, Nazis and the Japanese. Even as early as his first graphic novel (comic book) appearence we see him punching Hitler in the face while the moronic Nazis miss with every shot despite being at point blank range and attempting to kill a red, white and blue covered pillock.
As we can see from this picture, a groinal bulge often resulted from Captain America's selfless killing of the enemies of America. This became his catchphrase "I just killed you - now I got a hard-on". He used this to his advantage and soon trademarked his special move - "The Thruster". This left a trail of mentally scarred enemies in his wake which soon became the second part of his trademark. During the final battle with his enemy Red Skull, the Nazi weird super-human evil fascist person, he used it so many times in quick succession it left Red Skull practically ripped to shreds by the ferocity of the pelvic thrusting. The downside of this was that it left our hero so exhausted he had to use the Mega Crystal of Cytllllauk to regain his manly powers.
One particular fan-favourite among the young sexually confused American boys who read his comics was the episode entitled "Attack on the March," where Captain America and his blindly partiotic allies attack a Gay Pride march and beat everyone to death.
We now relate the last interview Captain America ever did in public before his untimely death. He was suffering tragically from Alzheimers at the time.
Captain America Remembers
Interviewer : "What did you like most about being a superhero?"
Captain America : "Well...hrmm..."
I : "Superhero. Remember?"
CA : "Oh, oh yes. Killing the Communists..."
I : "Really?"
CA : "And the Japanese. Nazis were pretty...uh...fun too."
I : "I see."
CA : "With their funny little swastikas."
I : "Any particular memories?"
CA : "The thrusting."
I : "It became something of your trademark, didn't it?"
CA : "Why, it sure did Johnny!"
I : "Name's Brian."
CA : "Well Bill, I can remember my thrusting inspired a whole generation. Just like kids now spout stupid phrases from that Tiny England whatsit, there were kids in playgrounds going round thrusting all over the place."
I : "Would you say that was a good thing? You saved the youth of America?"
CA : "Without a doubt. If it wasn't for me they might all be Communists by now."
posted by Mkzrj at 12:03 pm
5 Comments:
Good old brainless propaganda.
You've got to love it. It teaches young people to hate another race/creed/belief system before they have the sense to make their own decisions.
Genius!!
We need Captain America! We need him to save us from the oppression of left wing thinkers, who endanger society with their views of freedom and equality. When he is finally reborn (as all heroes are in a cheesy and poor sequal to the original game/comic/film)ee must join America, become the 51st state, and benefit from the wonder that is Captain America. WOoooo!
Also, I hate this new word verification thing. I hate anything that makes you input a code before you can do something like vote in a poll or post a message. It should be burnt, even if it does stop those bot things. Stupid word thing *reluctantly types in letters*.
WHAT! And thats the other reason I hate them, because it randomly decides you didn't get it right after all. Gargh!
:-D
Finally a bot-killing system!
Shame about Captain America.
Noooooo captain america... :(
He was my childhood hero O_o
New word verification pisses me off *burns*
Where does it say he is dead!?
I think it's just a ploy so he can go undercover and find some more underground Nazis. Though it would be mroe likely these days that he'd be fighting Al Qaeda and Hezabollah :/
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