Siege
Die Hard is still the king of one-person-saves-the-day action films. The Rock would come a close second except there are 2 heroes, so that comes top of the two-people-save-the-day action film table. But today we review the film Under Siege, which is basically Die Hard on a battleship. Alas, there isn't really any comparison between the two. It's like comparing Minestrone Soup to Dick Cheney (I really like Minestrone Soup).
Firstly, the general review of Under Siege. It was a fairly decent film, but it suffered from lacking several things that made Die Hard so great. As well as the things I'll mention further down, you just didn't care. It sounds odd, but you just didn't really care what happened because you knew things were bound to turn out good, because such a patriotic film can't end badly. It defies all known laws of the universe. And some others.
The action sequences were fairly good but none of the characters were memorable. Tommy Lee Jones played a good villain, though, so that makes things a little bit better. The ending was so corny I thought my entire television might erupt into an explosion of the yellow cereal grain.
Bruce Willis vs Steven Seagal
No competition, Bruce Willis wins by far. He is more charismatic, more exciting, and the desperation-humour in Die Hard he did perfectly. Bruce Willis is far more believable as an action hero; one half expects Steven to suddenly stop fighting and attempt to make up with the hijackers, possibly offering them a hand-knitted jumper as part of the bargain. A win for Die Hard by miles.
Nakatomi Plaza vs The Battleship
The Plaza was by far the better setting. I'm not completely sure why, but taking over a battleship seemed so much more unlikely. Getting twenty hijackers into a skyscraper - easy. Just use the lifts. But getting them onto the battleship required helicopters, and you've have thought the Navy would run some kind of background check on the people they were bringing in for the Captain's surprise party. Score one for Die Hard.
Stealing Cash vs Stealing Nukes
This was the only round where Under Siege draws level with Die Hard. Yes, shock and horror required. While in Die Hard is was merely stealing cash - albeit in a very cool way - Under Siege say them constructing a pulley system after taking over the battleship and lowering the 8 Tomahawks into a waiting submarine. It gets credit for inventiveness, certainly, but Die Hard had the vault, the hacking, and the money raining down at the end of the film. These two, therefore, are about even.
Alan Rickman vs Tommy Lee Jones + Gary Busey
Tommy Lee Jones was let down by Gary Busey, partially because of the cringe-worthy drag sequence Mr Busey took part in. It was wholly pointless and made me embarassed to be watching it. Nevertheless, Alan Rickman made possibly the best onscreen villain ever. His entire manner was perfect and it couldn't have been better. Die Hard wins this round.
In conclusion, Under Siege was on the boundary between fairly-decent-entertainment and a waste of time. More reviews and whatnot coming soon.
Firstly, the general review of Under Siege. It was a fairly decent film, but it suffered from lacking several things that made Die Hard so great. As well as the things I'll mention further down, you just didn't care. It sounds odd, but you just didn't really care what happened because you knew things were bound to turn out good, because such a patriotic film can't end badly. It defies all known laws of the universe. And some others.
The action sequences were fairly good but none of the characters were memorable. Tommy Lee Jones played a good villain, though, so that makes things a little bit better. The ending was so corny I thought my entire television might erupt into an explosion of the yellow cereal grain.
Bruce Willis vs Steven Seagal
No competition, Bruce Willis wins by far. He is more charismatic, more exciting, and the desperation-humour in Die Hard he did perfectly. Bruce Willis is far more believable as an action hero; one half expects Steven to suddenly stop fighting and attempt to make up with the hijackers, possibly offering them a hand-knitted jumper as part of the bargain. A win for Die Hard by miles.
Nakatomi Plaza vs The Battleship
The Plaza was by far the better setting. I'm not completely sure why, but taking over a battleship seemed so much more unlikely. Getting twenty hijackers into a skyscraper - easy. Just use the lifts. But getting them onto the battleship required helicopters, and you've have thought the Navy would run some kind of background check on the people they were bringing in for the Captain's surprise party. Score one for Die Hard.
Stealing Cash vs Stealing Nukes
This was the only round where Under Siege draws level with Die Hard. Yes, shock and horror required. While in Die Hard is was merely stealing cash - albeit in a very cool way - Under Siege say them constructing a pulley system after taking over the battleship and lowering the 8 Tomahawks into a waiting submarine. It gets credit for inventiveness, certainly, but Die Hard had the vault, the hacking, and the money raining down at the end of the film. These two, therefore, are about even.
Alan Rickman vs Tommy Lee Jones + Gary Busey
Tommy Lee Jones was let down by Gary Busey, partially because of the cringe-worthy drag sequence Mr Busey took part in. It was wholly pointless and made me embarassed to be watching it. Nevertheless, Alan Rickman made possibly the best onscreen villain ever. His entire manner was perfect and it couldn't have been better. Die Hard wins this round.
In conclusion, Under Siege was on the boundary between fairly-decent-entertainment and a waste of time. More reviews and whatnot coming soon.
posted by Mkzrj at 12:58 pm
2 Comments:
But nothing can be compared to Die Hard! Everything seems worse next to the awesome power of Die Hard.
From the memorable catch-phrase "Yippee-kay-ay, motherfuckers!" to the just plain AMAZING factor of the film, the standard never drops below excellent.
Yet somehow, IMDB rates it as 8 / 10. And this makes me wonder, what the hell gets a better mark?
Any ideas?
All is so true. I cannot add to this apart from saying Die Hard is the best. And mostly because of Bruce Willis, that is true. What a boring comment. Being in Wales must have drained my creative juices. If I had any.
Post a Comment
<< Home