Stalker
Coming out soon is the game Stalker : Shadow of Chernobyl. You don't play a sexual pervert running around one of the world's greatest nuclear disasters - instead, you play someone who after a vaguely altered Chernobyl disaster has to go in and kill all the mutants inside. Am I the only one who thinks this isn't in good taste?
So, because of this, I've taken the liberty of coming up with four games in the worse possible taste I can possibly think of. How I love black humour.
AIDS 2006
Play as the killer virus sweeping the world! Evolve from little more than a third-rate bacterium to become the top predator in the food chain! Earn bonus points for evading condoms and killing entire families! Unlock bonus upgrades such as the dirty syringe!
Gulag Killer
Innocent people are trying to escape the Soviet gulags and you're the only one who can stop them! Grab your cattle prod and various other torture devices, get out there and stop them! Make them confess to harming the motherland in great show trials! Rack up a torture combo for extra points! But be careful, if a single person escapes despite being found guilty of "sabotage", it's game over!
Suicide Bomber
Change your friends from normal people to devoted fanatical suicide bombers! Co-ordinate your attacks using a whole new inventory system to deliver a crushing attack! But be careful - if they don't go off in perfectly synchronized time, you won't show the stupid British and American governments that their foreign policy is shit! And even if you get it right, they won't listen.
RapeMan
In this fantastic new game from EA, you play a serial rapist out to rape as many people as possible before being arrested in one of the more inbred states and sentenced to the electric chair! For some reason you are yellow and circular. Make sure to check your Thrust-O-Meter and Grab-O-Meter to deliver the appropriate action in addition to ensuring your catch doesn't escape! Fun for all the family!
Got ideas for any others?
So, because of this, I've taken the liberty of coming up with four games in the worse possible taste I can possibly think of. How I love black humour.
AIDS 2006
Play as the killer virus sweeping the world! Evolve from little more than a third-rate bacterium to become the top predator in the food chain! Earn bonus points for evading condoms and killing entire families! Unlock bonus upgrades such as the dirty syringe!
Gulag Killer
Innocent people are trying to escape the Soviet gulags and you're the only one who can stop them! Grab your cattle prod and various other torture devices, get out there and stop them! Make them confess to harming the motherland in great show trials! Rack up a torture combo for extra points! But be careful, if a single person escapes despite being found guilty of "sabotage", it's game over!
Suicide Bomber
Change your friends from normal people to devoted fanatical suicide bombers! Co-ordinate your attacks using a whole new inventory system to deliver a crushing attack! But be careful - if they don't go off in perfectly synchronized time, you won't show the stupid British and American governments that their foreign policy is shit! And even if you get it right, they won't listen.
RapeMan
In this fantastic new game from EA, you play a serial rapist out to rape as many people as possible before being arrested in one of the more inbred states and sentenced to the electric chair! For some reason you are yellow and circular. Make sure to check your Thrust-O-Meter and Grab-O-Meter to deliver the appropriate action in addition to ensuring your catch doesn't escape! Fun for all the family!
Got ideas for any others?
posted by Mkzrj at 8:13 pm
11 Comments:
9/11 plane crash
A bit like tetris, guide configurations of planes into the high-point skyscrapers. Bonus points for the golden targets.
I'm on rolla Enola Gay
A story-based rpg, it sees your character trapped in a love triangle whilst you ploy your way to the top of the American airforce. Eventually, the storyline wears out as you remember seeing it in a movie, so you are led to bombing Hiroshima. A cheatcode lets you release extra bombs for more destruction.
"Fagger" - It's like Frogger, but it includes the same blindly homophobic attitudes displayed by many Americans; you play as the car. Points are scored for leaving those "fucking faggots" (a technical impossibility?) as roadkill.
Hayden.
"The Bastard" - A free-roaming game set on a council estate. You play as a chav, who goes around kicking disabled people. It is also possible to throw cats off 5 storeys of flats whilst filming it on a phone. Bonus points are scored for swearing more than twice in the same word, robbing a store without being seen or managing to wash. Ever.
"Bully" - Rockstars latest entry is ACTUALLY about bullying children at a secondary school. Prey on the fat, the small, the stupid, the clever. Bonus points awarded for "witty" insults, broken limbs and lives ruined. Special moves include "The Heritage Insulter" and "Mercilessly Tormenting the Fat, Slow One"
Hayden
Hayden, you are wrong.
Rockstar's Bully is not about bullying small children, it is instead a free-roaming school-based game. As far as it is known (and not just rumoured) there are no missions in which you shove someone's head down the toilet. Missions would involve skipping school etc.
How dull.
I know. I was making out that their next project was secretly about what I had posted.
Hayden.
Also, how can you have "the world's greatest nuclear disaster"? Surely no nuclear disasters come close to being good, let alone great. It's like saying "The holocaust, the world's most fantastic genocide".
Now THAT'S bad taste.
Even though the holocaust was not the worst. j00 fail.
I didn't say it was the worst...
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