Musical
Today we have some more moaning about adverts. Firstly a little thing about cliches in adverts, and then those bloody MUSICAL adverts.
You know the black and white adverts where everything is dull and dreary? Then you plug in those stupid little aromatic things and suddenly the room lights up. There are so many of these you could make "Black and white adverts for odour thing" an Olypmic event. Believe it or not guys, the best smell a room can have is fresh air, not :
"We've toiled long and hard to bring you this divine fragrance. Created by picking only the most exquisite and perfect jewels from the African diamond mines, we then mix these with the best roses the entire world has to offer and add a delicate touch of rare Neptunian Lavender, only found on one of Neptune's rings. Between this is creates the most exotic-"
IT'S A SMELL. It shares a property with dog shit.
Anyway. Recently two awful musical videos were brought to my attention, those for "Carcraft" and the latest Frosties abomination. There isn't much to say about the Frosties advert apart from the fact that it's horrific. The kid is annoying, sings like he's being strangle and burnt at the same time (not a bad idea) and a few lesser points :
A. Why is there a man in a crate? Yes, maybe he enjoys Frosties, but the only possible reason for him to be eating them in a CRATE is some strange crate-cereal fetish. And I thought ant sex was weird.
B. Why does the kid fly at the end? And why does Tony the TIGER - Tigers being a traditionally land-based creatures - join him? In the AIR.
C. It's a pirate, not PIRE-ATE. It had nothing to do with eating funerals. Oh, what a subtle joke that was.
D. Who puts on trainers the instant they get out of bed? Not I.
Anyway, the "Carcraft" advert. Now, apart from the song which is the worst thing to sneak into our universe from some foul temporal break since "Sheila's Wheels", the song lyrics themselves are painfully annoying. I would give you a link but I fear it would destabilise the world. Anyway, after musing over this name I realised an excellent new marketing strategy for these people. It's certainly better than assholes in suits dancing round a forklift truck. Or something.
Model shown is the Moron v245. Price from £15,299, £45,699 with seats included. Ogres and minotaurs optional.
You know the black and white adverts where everything is dull and dreary? Then you plug in those stupid little aromatic things and suddenly the room lights up. There are so many of these you could make "Black and white adverts for odour thing" an Olypmic event. Believe it or not guys, the best smell a room can have is fresh air, not :
"We've toiled long and hard to bring you this divine fragrance. Created by picking only the most exquisite and perfect jewels from the African diamond mines, we then mix these with the best roses the entire world has to offer and add a delicate touch of rare Neptunian Lavender, only found on one of Neptune's rings. Between this is creates the most exotic-"
IT'S A SMELL. It shares a property with dog shit.
Anyway. Recently two awful musical videos were brought to my attention, those for "Carcraft" and the latest Frosties abomination. There isn't much to say about the Frosties advert apart from the fact that it's horrific. The kid is annoying, sings like he's being strangle and burnt at the same time (not a bad idea) and a few lesser points :
A. Why is there a man in a crate? Yes, maybe he enjoys Frosties, but the only possible reason for him to be eating them in a CRATE is some strange crate-cereal fetish. And I thought ant sex was weird.
B. Why does the kid fly at the end? And why does Tony the TIGER - Tigers being a traditionally land-based creatures - join him? In the AIR.
C. It's a pirate, not PIRE-ATE. It had nothing to do with eating funerals. Oh, what a subtle joke that was.
D. Who puts on trainers the instant they get out of bed? Not I.
Anyway, the "Carcraft" advert. Now, apart from the song which is the worst thing to sneak into our universe from some foul temporal break since "Sheila's Wheels", the song lyrics themselves are painfully annoying. I would give you a link but I fear it would destabilise the world. Anyway, after musing over this name I realised an excellent new marketing strategy for these people. It's certainly better than assholes in suits dancing round a forklift truck. Or something.
Model shown is the Moron v245. Price from £15,299, £45,699 with seats included. Ogres and minotaurs optional.
posted by Mkzrj at 5:27 pm
6 Comments:
As the cheerleader said to the Bishop - "That was fucking good!"
I love the picture.
ROLFMAO!
Hayden.
Hayden, that is officially the world's worst...thing. I don't even have a name for it. It truly was awful.
The adverts themselves are simply marvelous. Links are:
For the Frosties advert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bLndLiDy5w
For the Carcraft advert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suUrSaitNAU
Essential viewing, as everyone will no doubt agree.
Also, what is "ROLFMAO"?
Is it some sort of Rolf Harris/Mao hybrid?
Why are you promoting such a creature?
I want answers.
Yeah. Adverts.
The worst are perhaps those ones for shampoo, or other vaguely related body-applied liquid stuff.
The way they just invent chemicals to suit their needs.
Or go on about 'pH balance'. WTF? The whole point of the things is that they're slightly alkaline; it gives them cleansing or anti-bacterial properties.
Water is perfectly pH-balanced. Which is why so many things exist to be used in addition to it.
Bloody idiots.
The lot of them.
As for the Frosties one, I'm a bit suspicious that the shitty lyrics and annoying singing kid were in fact a cunning plan to have people discuss the advert – and look! it worked!
One of these 'viral marketing'-type things which are becoming ever more popular nowadays.
And like a virus, it should be destroyed at the nearest possible opportunity. Probably by enlarged white blood cells, modified to target air fresheners with silly little fans in them, wastefully crafted from non-reusable thermosetting plastics.
Rant over? For now.
– Spurling
Anonymous, my thanks.
I've never seen that Carcraft advert before, and now I have, I fear I am going to have to remove both my eyes and ears. *screams*
I blame Halifax for all this. Ever since they did that stupidly popular advert with that song, although I can't remember what it was, everyone's been at it. And they're still doing it. Their latest one where they try to rap is just absolutely appauling.
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