Phrases

Top 5 phrases I really, really hate.

Also, look at my Bebo thing.
Go! Go now!

#5 : "Yo Blair"

So it was fairly amusing to see B&B discussing their various gifts upon not realising the microphone was off. Discussing jumpers, nicknames, all kinds of charming things you don't really except mass-murderers and war criminals to discuss. But the phrase -

I hate rap. Most people should know this. I see no musical value in thousands of different people - all called "Shizz dawg" or "Dawg shizz" or "Yo Pimpa Ma Nizzle" or "I'm so dumb I failed nursery" or something - talking over a simplistic beat about how many hos they've pimped or some nonsense. I also, therefore, hate the words "Sup" and "Yo". Whenever doing anything online, if anyone greets me with either of those words I instantly kick them from whatever game I am in. I refuse to play with teenage idiots who have IQs lower than their age. And so the simple use of Yo in this phrase makes it all the more horrible.

#4 : “Web 2.0”

Unless I’ve missed something truly colossal, this is nothing more than some pointless buzzword which could mean any of several things. Idiots and clods alike use it to refer to some kind of new internet, a concept which seems essentially impossible. You cannot replace the internet at this stage and hope that people will move, like digital TV, you can merely upgrade the internet as you go along, a process which happens by itself without some nonsensical post-modern phrase attached to it. That said, post-modern itself is an equally nonsensical phrase. But the upgrading bit-by-bit is shown by the simple fact that no-one uses Netscape any more and the total lack of playing 56k dial-up games unless you live in South Korea and think the Protoss are greatly underrated.

Web 2.0 is probably user-generated content, which we’re already seeing with blogs, Youtube and that Bebo thing with the photos and the words I’m being pressured to join by everybody I know (i.e. Vicky). So stop saying Web 2.0, and read the rest of this entry instead.

#3 : “I’m Jack Thompson”

Now to tell a little story. Perhaps twelve hours after these Virginia shootings, Jack Thompson appeared on various networks and websites, spewing his usual cocktail of bullshit and horsecrap. He insisted that the gunman/gunwoman (unknown at that time) must've rehearsed their attack using video games.

This happened before we knew who had done it, but yet he was still utterly sure that games were to blame. Even if the shooter had turned out to be a frail, blind, 90-year old woman with no fingers who didn't even know what a video was - let alone a video game - he would still have blamed them. The man is a clod, and I was just glad to see him partially shot down by a couple of the television stations he apparently frequents.

#2 : "Bringing democracy and freedom"

Finally we come to that neo-con rhetoric used to somehow justify military adventurism. Not totally sure how much democracy there is in Iraq with hundreds of casualties daily in a civil war. Not sure how much freedom there is when stepping outside your door is likely to get you kidnapped by a death squad. But does that matter? The war got Bush elected for his first legal term on a jingoistic wave of American patriotism, got the oil sold off to Halliburton in time to give Cheney a good profit margin and it satisfied the vast hordes of racists who seem convinced the world is now better off without 700,000+ “towelheads”. So what’s the value of nearly three quarters of a million lives in a poor, non-predominantly-white part of the world? Obviously less than the retirement fund for a Secretary of Defence.

#1 : “Am I boverred?”

Shut up Catherine Tate! Shut the fuck up and die! Please! You’re not funny! No-one finds you funny! And if they do, they should be neutered! Because you’re not funny! Are you seeing a pattern here? Just like the pattern of anti-humour on your appalling show!

I actually thought her shitty, shitty show couldn’t possibly get any worse, but then her and Tony Blair appeared in the same scene. It was bad enough, seeing the two most unpleasant people in the country at once, but then he said it. He said the phrase. And the laughter track erupted as if someone had turned it up to 11 (“it’s like 10, but one higher”). Yet, bizarrely, it wasn’t funny. I didn’t even crack a smile. I didn’t even think about beginning to crack a smile, because there was no damned humour in it. ANYWHERE. AT ALL. EVER.

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On a brief, amusing note, we randomly investigated what houses we could now buy in the US since $1 = 0.0001p given the current exchange rate. Or something. Anyway, various states offered up all kinds of different options.

Two states provided us with these brilliant semi-mansions :


While another, un-named state, provided us with a shack in what looks like White Trash Central. Guess the state!