Clods

A Congregation of Clods

OMF : 2097 is one of my favourite games of all time, and was even made by the people who would later go on to create Gears of War. There was recently a sequel released called "OMF : Battlegrounds" or something, and I downloaded the demo for it. While the game itself is generally horrendous, the dialogue laughable or nonsense and the graphics shite, the character images particular amused me. Here are some of the dumber characters with their real name first then my name for them and a little description of why they decided to battle in 100-ft robots. Part two coming either tomorrow or Saturday, depending on how many episodes of Firefly I watch.

"Walther" (Purpletron)
Half-purple-man was originally auditioning for the role of Half-face in one of the more modern Batman films. Unfortunately he decided to take the role a little too seriously and cover himself in some kind of permanent purple shit. He was rejected at the first audition for being "too fucking stupid to live" and then wondered for many years what he could do, now he looked like a complete clod. Upon discovering this sport, he realised he could hide inside a vast robot and never have to show his stupid body again.

"Kegan" (Douche)
This idiot is a new-age fool who believes he has some kind of link between him and the normally-inanimate hunk of metal he fights his battles in. Many years ago he decided it would be a good idea to stamp a huge purple emblem on his face; though this was only upon realising there was nothing he could do to possibly appear more stupid. He has a bad habit of grabbing people when now fighting in the arena and attempting to copulate with them. In addition, his teeth are also tinted purple which makes it look like he's always been eating blackberries. Last but not least - as the picture shows - he is wholly incapable of dressing himself.


"Xante" (Madame Bestial)
According to the in-game descriptoin, this stupid bint spent a long time in some African country with tigers. And because - note the heavy use of realism here - she liked tigers so much, she decided to have plastic surgery and become more like them. What made this even more horrendous was that she also attempted to act like the creature, which basically involved licking her privates and chasing gazelles through the savannah. She was last seen next to a bush attempting to mate.