Answers

So, after the immense puzzlement over my bizarre life, here are some answers.

I have been in a submarine – This was in Germany where we got to trundle around a U-boat for a couple hours.

I am distantly related to Nelson – This is true.

I was on BBC News at 6 next to a cow and a man in period costume – This is also true. I was at a museum of some sort when it happened to be the anniversary of Edward Jenner’s discovery that the cowpox vaccine could be adapted for humans. Thusly, there was a cow there and a man as Edward Jenner, and there was a small article on the news about it. I was captured in the shot, and that’s how I was on BBC news.

I somehow managed to cut my finger on my shoe – Regrettably true. You know the little metal rings around the holes the laces go through? I cut my finger on one of those.

I cook a mean scrambled egg – Apparently true. Various people have said my scrambled eggs are wonderful.

I own a film never released in the US due to its violence – That would be Battle Royale, a mighty fine film indeed. It was never released because it was teenagers killing each other rather than adults, and this was deemed inappropriate or something.

I recently destroyed a CRT monitor – Unfortunately true. I plugged in the 360 and tried to set it to too high a resolution – it flickered for a few moments, made a curious vwoomping noise and then stopped working.

I can drink vinegar – This is a lie. I don’t see how anyone can do this without choking to death, but still.

I have had all 3 Dark Materials signed, in person, by Philip Pullman – That’s true, and it was at the Cheltenham literature festival.

I have been called a human thesaurus – Also true.

I eat my breakfast cereals without milk on – Yep. I have the milk separately.

I own/have owned 12 versions of computer technology, yet hate mobile phones – Very true. Even though I have 2 PCs, a laptop, an N64, a Gamecube, a spectrum ZX, a Commodore 64, a Psion, an Xbox and an Xbox 360, and previously owned an Acorn Electron and an Amstrad, mobile phones annoy me. I’m a frighteningly slow at texting and I don’t know how you get bloody capital letters.

My great-grandfather died in a murder attempt which was meant to kill someone else – The foreman at the mine who was the target of the attempt was ill that day so my great-grandfather took his place instead. The explosion therefore killed him instead of the guy it was meant for.

I have probably written nearly 1000 A5 pages of assorted stories – I am doing creative writing at university, so that shouldn’t be all that surprising.

I drink orange juice but the smell of oranges makes me sick – Yep.

I own around 40 old Doctor Who VHS tapes – Yep. These are good Doctor Who episodes, mind, not the modern appalling nonsense with zombie cats and robotic nipples or whatever the hell is going on at the moment.

I eat Battenberg with the marzipan cut off – True story. The marzipan ruins the wonderful taste of the cake itself.

I think the Godfather is the most over-rated film ever made – After spending three hours watching this bloody thing I honestly felt I had wasted a potentially valuable section of my life. Nothing actually happens! The only plot points are Marlon Brando utterly failing to talk due to the golfballs shoved into his cheeks like some bloated mafia hamster and some random man being shot. The fact that this thing is top of the IMDB Top 250 films is absurd.

I have never eaten a single piece of chocolate – This is also true. I just assume I won’t like it since I’m generally qualified to make judgments on things I know little or nothing about.

I wear almost entirely black but I wouldn't really say I'm a goth – Also true.