Sonic
There were many things that I liked when I was younger which have since been ruined by assholes on the internet who insist on drawing furry fanart about them and fantasising over having sex with anthropomorphic animals. One prime example of this is Sonic the Hedgehog – there are far too many forums to be found where people discuss their particular Tails fetish. I thought things had gone bad for this series but I knew nothing until I got a glimpse of the new Sonic the Hedgehog game – "Sonic the Hedgehog". What a fucking inspired title.
Ok, so I haven’t actually played this game, though I did see an awful demo played at the LAN party. But since I have a long and impressive track record of insulting shit I know comparatively little about, I see no reason to break the trend here.
The new Sonic the Hedgehog game is a pile of soggy fuck. The people who made this game are, without a doubt, the most cretinous, unintelligible rabble of fools who ever slammed their heads down on a computer keyboard in the hope of producing something good. This game has no redeeming features whatsoever, and this is reinforced by the addition of yet another utterly pointless character - Silver the Hedgehog.
Now, if I wanted to prove how sad I am and how much I know about Sonic I would point out that Silver looks like another character called Doctor Zachary who was last seen falling into a ravine on the Floating Island. However, I don't, so I won't. Silver’s incredible addition to the already awful gameplay of every Sonic game since Flickie’s Island is that he can fly. Yes, a hedgehog can fly – why hadn’t we thought of this before?
Silver’s telekinetic powers – apparently common-place in future – mean that he can move obstacles, fly over drops and hurl badniks around. This appears to remove any of the gameplay of the entire series, thereby rendering the Silver levels as nothing more than padding.
The game also contains gods, deities and ancient prophecies about fire, death and stuff like that. How many times has this been done? Sonic games should be light, pixelated and have bosses that are actually vaguely interesting to fight. They also shouldn’t have entire segments randomly set in a human city where you go round and get quests, such as “Please save my shoes” or “Retrieve the key of destiny” or some pointless crap I don’t give a damn about. And human love interest? For a blue anthropomorphic hedgehog? I think not.
I hate all these new and pointless minor characters. As far as I am concerned, there are four characters in Sonic. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Dr Robotnik. There is no “Dr Eggman” – it’s just a stupid name used by that stupid Sonic X just so it could include stupid elements of anime and stupid human people like this stupid Princess Elise thing. A quick look on Wikipedia shows us the sheer range of SHITTY and pointless characters the series has spawned – below is a small video containing all the crap we have to witness to endure any of the modern Sonic games.
The new Sonic the Hedgehog game is a pile of soggy fuck. The people who made this game are, without a doubt, the most cretinous, unintelligible rabble of fools who ever slammed their heads down on a computer keyboard in the hope of producing something good. This game has no redeeming features whatsoever, and this is reinforced by the addition of yet another utterly pointless character - Silver the Hedgehog.
Now, if I wanted to prove how sad I am and how much I know about Sonic I would point out that Silver looks like another character called Doctor Zachary who was last seen falling into a ravine on the Floating Island. However, I don't, so I won't. Silver’s incredible addition to the already awful gameplay of every Sonic game since Flickie’s Island is that he can fly. Yes, a hedgehog can fly – why hadn’t we thought of this before?
Silver’s telekinetic powers – apparently common-place in future – mean that he can move obstacles, fly over drops and hurl badniks around. This appears to remove any of the gameplay of the entire series, thereby rendering the Silver levels as nothing more than padding.
The game also contains gods, deities and ancient prophecies about fire, death and stuff like that. How many times has this been done? Sonic games should be light, pixelated and have bosses that are actually vaguely interesting to fight. They also shouldn’t have entire segments randomly set in a human city where you go round and get quests, such as “Please save my shoes” or “Retrieve the key of destiny” or some pointless crap I don’t give a damn about. And human love interest? For a blue anthropomorphic hedgehog? I think not.
I hate all these new and pointless minor characters. As far as I am concerned, there are four characters in Sonic. Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Dr Robotnik. There is no “Dr Eggman” – it’s just a stupid name used by that stupid Sonic X just so it could include stupid elements of anime and stupid human people like this stupid Princess Elise thing. A quick look on Wikipedia shows us the sheer range of SHITTY and pointless characters the series has spawned – below is a small video containing all the crap we have to witness to endure any of the modern Sonic games.
posted by Mkzrj at 3:49 pm
6 Comments:
And yes, the Shadow rant is supposed to be very, very fast.
It is very amusing Shadow rant. Read it.
Chainz is a retard with no friends.
In terms of old games, I also don't like Mario. EVERY SINGLE GAME IS THE SAME!!
Run over here. Jump. Do something else gay. Rape that weird dragon-turtle turd thing. Jump. Run over there. Purchase moustache-comb.
Rape Luigi. Jump. Run to the hills. Rape a Kart-racing game. Rape EVERYTHING EVER.
Goodbye.
Alack poor sonic, only the megadrive aka genesis knew ye well.
True, sonic has gone down hill since 3, 2 is still my favourite of all time!
I never knew there were that many characters... O_O
if you pause at o:32 you will she a yellow thing,it is from a old sonic game(made before the first sonic game(this is true)) he was made before tails was made,by the way his name is Ray.
By the way i meant 0:32.
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