In the light of that postwoman who stole loads of post and hoarded it in her house (probably where my work experience letter went...) I decided to steal a few letters and have a look into other's meaningless lives! Here's what I found.
Even though the first is an e-mail.
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Dear Georgey BoyYou'll never find me.
Bin_Laden@NewYorkMetroCafe.com ---
Dear Japan
I have come up with a fetish that surely no-one has yet - I will outline it in the PDF attachment below. Please tell me what you think!
Yours, Tom Cruise
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Dear Pat Robertson As much as I appreciate your concern, I'd appreciate it if you didn't help any of your fucked-up redneck morons into heaven.
God.---
Dear Tom Cruise
Incorrect, we do in fact have many websites devoted to the fetish of people rubbing strawberries on their foreheads before vomiting up the cable car runners they had swallowed earlier. We call it “Hawakawtishi”. Thankyou for your concern.
Japan
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Dear Nintendo
WHY? WHYYYYYY?
Most people
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Dear God
I hope you enjoy the contents of this letter.
Osama Bin Laden
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Dear Osama,
As supreme diety, I am unaffected by Anthrax.
God.
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Dear Electronic Arts,
It has come to our attention that you are a waste of space.
Society.
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Dear United Artists
I really don't see what all the fuss is about Daniel Craig. Are you sure I can't come back for one more? I've had this great idea for a film where you get a dozen frigid women, stick them on a mountain and then attack them with helicopters and cable cars. What do you think?
George Lazenby
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Dear MKZRJ
We really mean it now. You must take down that information.
The Un-illimunati.
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Dear Mr Lazenby
That was the film you starred in. Try to keep up.
UA
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Dear George
Hi. Can you under stand this ?
That was a question.
Lots of Love, Donald.
P.S.
Can I have my old job back?
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Dear Dragon Ball Z character
WOW! I LUV UR SHOW *heart*
WOULD U LYK 2 READ MY FAN-FICTION ABOUT U??!? LOL!
IN MI FANFIC U SWEAT A LOT LYK IN ANIME :D!!!
GO TO www.imawasteofoxygen.com
Obsessive Fan #4728143
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Dear Obsessive Fan #4728143 I am a fictional character.
Dragon Ball Z character
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dear mZkjr
wtf u fag! rap is da best n helped me thru a very tuff time in my life! i fuckin hate ppl like u who insult rap! i wud b dead now if it wasn't for rap, so b gr8ful!
Shizzlepimpa
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Dear Bungie, Please purge your forums.
Intelligent People
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Dear Wang-Chang-Ding-Dang-Don Son-Di-Chi-Li Po-Ni-Li-Ko-Ho-Hum-Yuo-Tie PangCongratulations on your appointment as successor to Kofi Annan.
George Bush.P.S.
Hope I spelt your name right.
---
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Dear Putin
Come on, enough joking around. Did you kill him or not?
MI6 (or possibly 5)
Honest, we won’t tell.
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5 Comments:
Re-reading these was just as funny as writing them :D. So so good. I think you've got a new member of the top 10 blog entries here. Hope to see some more soon (since I know there are PLENTY we came up with that you didn't use here.)
Most amusing.
Chainz is:
A retard with no friends who smells of faeces and constantly bathes in faeces and likes the Nintendo Wii and is a total cretin who has no brain and he eats the products of his anus and he has homosexual tendencies and his face is contorted into a shape which reminds me of a rhino and he finds the past-time of Morris Dancing enjoyable and he is a dirty rapist.
L O llll ! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Very enjoyable post; I agree it could be in the top 10!
I for one like Nintendo!
The rest were very funny though.
ejsdswkf!!!!
– Spurling
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