Misfortune
Diary of a San Andreas Resident
Sunday 15th June
Unbelievable! Some people simply have no respect for the law, or other people! While I was walking past my local pizza joint on the way to the gym, a car pulled up and two men got out. One of them was smoking something and the other was dressed in nothing more than this filthy white vest. These two assholes then proceeded to try and rob the pizza place before coming out and crushing the only employee who fought back under their car! Even more unlucky, when they ran him over, his shotgun discharged and buried a bullet in my leg. So now I'm going to be in hospital for the next while.
Thursday 26th June
Maybe I should move out of this stupid city? I was waiting to get to the hospital after being shot in the leg when the ambulance screeches round the corner and knocks over a lamp-post. The guy driving it was the same guy who tried to rob the pizza place! Unbelievable! Against my better judgement I climbed in and he did get me to the hospital, but it was a bumpy ride. There's something odd going on here...
Monday 30th June
I was walking past the big "Taste of things to come" sign today when I heard police sirens and a helicopter approaching. A moment later a car burst through the sign, knocking me aside into the storm drain. Both my legs were broken and I'm writing this from my hospital bed. This left the sign looking like something rather rude. On the news they're saying the leaders of the gang responsible have been arrested - good riddance!
Tuesday 22nd July
I thought my bad luck must've been used up by now, but apparently not. Having moved to San Fierro to try and avoid the hell of Los Santos, I now find two cars stolen from me! Right under my nose! In my car showroom! The manager went mad, especially because those two were fitted with Nitro. I gave the police a description of the two men, and - believe it or not - one of them was the same bloody guy! I don't know who the other one was, but he didn't sound American. Damn them!
Friday 25th July
So I was driving along the freeway heading out of Los Santos. Going out into the countryside for some R & R, when this bike does a handbrake turn in front of me and fills up the whole road. The guy - the sAME BLOODY GUY AGAIN - gets off and produces a BAZOOKA from somewhere! He then shoots down a helicopter flying over, which crashes on MY BIKE which I wisely vacated. By the time I got to my senses the little shit had sped off again. Damn him! What did I ever do to deserve this?
Saturday 9th August
It seemed like a new home and job in Las Venturas seemed like a good idea. I've always fancied myself as something of a gambler. So I'm in this "Caligula's" place, and the same jackass comes in! I start to tell security about him, but suddenly the guy loses a hand or something and starts killing everyone! I take cover as these incompetent guards come forward and fail to kill him! By the time the police arrive the turd is long gone!
Sunday 31st August
I've decided to join a gang. Clearly the only way to fight back is to play these assholes at their own game, so I'm now a "Vago", whatever the hell that means. I've been told to defend this big mansion just north of Los Santos. Seems peaceful.
Monday 1st September
Jesus! I can hear gunfire on the roof! I'd better go up and check what's happening! If that's that same guy I'll fucking kill him!. One man can't stand up to all of us, even if he does have a minigun!
Thursday 26th June
Maybe I should move out of this stupid city? I was waiting to get to the hospital after being shot in the leg when the ambulance screeches round the corner and knocks over a lamp-post. The guy driving it was the same guy who tried to rob the pizza place! Unbelievable! Against my better judgement I climbed in and he did get me to the hospital, but it was a bumpy ride. There's something odd going on here...
Monday 30th JuneI was walking past the big "Taste of things to come" sign today when I heard police sirens and a helicopter approaching. A moment later a car burst through the sign, knocking me aside into the storm drain. Both my legs were broken and I'm writing this from my hospital bed. This left the sign looking like something rather rude. On the news they're saying the leaders of the gang responsible have been arrested - good riddance!
Tuesday 22nd July
I thought my bad luck must've been used up by now, but apparently not. Having moved to San Fierro to try and avoid the hell of Los Santos, I now find two cars stolen from me! Right under my nose! In my car showroom! The manager went mad, especially because those two were fitted with Nitro. I gave the police a description of the two men, and - believe it or not - one of them was the same bloody guy! I don't know who the other one was, but he didn't sound American. Damn them!
Friday 25th July
So I was driving along the freeway heading out of Los Santos. Going out into the countryside for some R & R, when this bike does a handbrake turn in front of me and fills up the whole road. The guy - the sAME BLOODY GUY AGAIN - gets off and produces a BAZOOKA from somewhere! He then shoots down a helicopter flying over, which crashes on MY BIKE which I wisely vacated. By the time I got to my senses the little shit had sped off again. Damn him! What did I ever do to deserve this?
Saturday 9th August
It seemed like a new home and job in Las Venturas seemed like a good idea. I've always fancied myself as something of a gambler. So I'm in this "Caligula's" place, and the same jackass comes in! I start to tell security about him, but suddenly the guy loses a hand or something and starts killing everyone! I take cover as these incompetent guards come forward and fail to kill him! By the time the police arrive the turd is long gone!
Sunday 31st August
I've decided to join a gang. Clearly the only way to fight back is to play these assholes at their own game, so I'm now a "Vago", whatever the hell that means. I've been told to defend this big mansion just north of Los Santos. Seems peaceful.
Monday 1st September
Jesus! I can hear gunfire on the roof! I'd better go up and check what's happening! If that's that same guy I'll fucking kill him!. One man can't stand up to all of us, even if he does have a minigun!
-Entries end-
posted by Mkzrj at 3:59 pm
3 Comments:
So true - why didn't the authorities just get their shit together and actually KILL CJ?
Especially as they continue to revive CJ for only a few hundred dollars.
But in the story, they keep him alive to do Tenpenny's dirty work (oh HO!).
Also, I think everyone should complete San Andreas 100%, purely to get Infinite Ammo for the minigun.
This is a witty post. Very nicely done. I'm probably missing some stuff since I don't own or have never completed a part of this game. But still, true.
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