Cruise

Celebrities consider : Tom Cruise

Bruce Willis on Tom Cruise :

This guy really scares the shits out of me I can tell you. Fighting off a dozen German terrorists in a skyscraper before jumping off an exploding roof and throttling someone with a chain? No problem. Stopping the Earth's core from exploding or doing something equally nasty? Easy. But the guy's just creepy. I mean, all that Scientology stuff. Silent pregnancy and the rest. I mean, I've eaten some crazy things in my time, but never a placenta. That's what distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. Speaking of which, I'm off hunting now.

Gordon Brown on Tom Cruise :

Yo, its G. Brown talking to all yo niggas. I'm gonna diss with ya da best man Tom Cruise, cos he's lik da bomb.

*gun shot*

-Now taking over from Gordon Brown is Great Gran Guinevere-

Back in my day our celebrities were proper heroes, none of this placenta-eating nonsense. Tom Cruise is a silly young man and all his Scientology friends should just take a step back and look at the tripe they believe in.



Disgruntled alien on Tom Cruise

I'm not too keen on him, if only because he probably played some role in killing my species, seeing as he was the main character and all. I haven't seen the film, I consider it an insult to my freakishly mutated race. I would eat Tom Cruise whole, but unfortunately, I have a single big eye rather than anything useful like a mouth. That's why my species feed through the same orifice we use to excrete. You think that's disgusting? At least we don't eat placentas. Jeez.



Rowan Williams on Tom Cruise

Now, thinking about it in detail, having carefully reviewed and pondered over recent affairs in the world spoken of by the Pope, I have concluded it perhaps not to be the most sound of choices to talk about Tom Cruise in an excessively derogatory manner. While he may be a completely idiotic fool or nincompoop who has absurd beliefs, in light of the recent scandal relating to the Holy Father's comments, I will decline to comment on Mr Cruise or any of his fuckwitted beliefs.
Whoops.


Isaac Hayes (fellow Scientologist) on Tom Cruise

I have no idea what all these previous fools are talking about. How dare they insult Scientology? I left one of the greatest comedy series of all time because of my daft beliefs in a super-being called Xenu who crashed on Earth 40 million years ago in a Boeing 747 and distributed ghosts, so don't call us stupid!
We shall, as Scientology brothers, declare war of the forces of evil that refuse to bathe in baked beans and pay thousands of dollars for cheap scams. Tom Cruise is an idol to millions of us around the world, a great man, and we shall fight for him if we must. Wha- Why are those men in white coats coming for me. Hey, this was a set up! Damn you! Xenu will avenge me-