First
Even though I've spent much of today trying to cut a Post-It cube EXACTLY in half, leaving 50% of the Post-Its on either side (harder than it sounds), I have found time to begin GAMING WEEK!
Yes, just like we had a week of hotly-debated discussion about why the USA is doing more to destroy the world in a multitude of ways than any other country has ever managed, we will now have a week about gaming. Today and tomorrow we will cover the Top 18 FPS weapons ever created (yes, this number keeps rising).
Today, we have the Top 3 SMGs, Rifles and Odd weapons. Each top three isn't in any particular order, since that would be just too hard to decide and may result in total cranial meltdown. Also, depending on how soon you read this, we may have 5 new taglines for you to find, some of which may only make sense to a very small number of people.
Yes, just like we had a week of hotly-debated discussion about why the USA is doing more to destroy the world in a multitude of ways than any other country has ever managed, we will now have a week about gaming. Today and tomorrow we will cover the Top 18 FPS weapons ever created (yes, this number keeps rising).
Today, we have the Top 3 SMGs, Rifles and Odd weapons. Each top three isn't in any particular order, since that would be just too hard to decide and may result in total cranial meltdown. Also, depending on how soon you read this, we may have 5 new taglines for you to find, some of which may only make sense to a very small number of people.
The SMGs
CMP 150 - Perfect Dark
You will shortly notice a pattern that most of my top weapons come from Perfect Dark, but we begin with the CMP. For starters, it looks cool, you can duel-wield them, and it has an excellent rate of fire. But more importantly, in secondary-mode it's bullets locked onto the enemy. How useful is that? Though realistically, it would make war rather boring. The two armies sit at home and spray bullets in the general direction of the enemy country, and wait for them to home in. In-game, however, it still rocks. Nice reload anim too (yes, I do care about things like that. On a side-note, the BEST reload anim ever in my opinion goes to the AK from XIII).
You will shortly notice a pattern that most of my top weapons come from Perfect Dark, but we begin with the CMP. For starters, it looks cool, you can duel-wield them, and it has an excellent rate of fire. But more importantly, in secondary-mode it's bullets locked onto the enemy. How useful is that? Though realistically, it would make war rather boring. The two armies sit at home and spray bullets in the general direction of the enemy country, and wait for them to home in. In-game, however, it still rocks. Nice reload anim too (yes, I do care about things like that. On a side-note, the BEST reload anim ever in my opinion goes to the AK from XIII).MP5 - Half-life
Ah the ubiquitous Mp5. Weapon of Bond-Villain-Henchmen everywhere. Why don't they ever carry anything more accurate? Surely they get annoyed when all the bullets ping harmlessly off the floor and wall inches away from their target agent?
Ah the ubiquitous Mp5. Weapon of Bond-Villain-Henchmen everywhere. Why don't they ever carry anything more accurate? Surely they get annoyed when all the bullets ping harmlessly off the floor and wall inches away from their target agent?Anyway. I like this gun for several reasons. It was useful all through the game, able to take down most enemies and even do fair damage to the bosses. The grenade launcher attachment was a welcome addition too. Plus it looked cool and had a nice firing sound, if there is such a thing.
One shame - this gun was ruined in Half-life 2. It was weak, in-accurate, poorly-designed and the grenade attachment was awful. There were also so few grenades avaliable for it you treasured them like somekind of holy relic.Uzi - BLACK
Oooh. Look at the high-res on that. Apart from measuring at 74 on the coolness index (between Poker and the Ultimate Showdown), there was something satisfying about being able to silence an Uzi. Especially one with so much damned ammo to fire about. Loud, powerful, fun, and needlessly violent.
Oooh. Look at the high-res on that. Apart from measuring at 74 on the coolness index (between Poker and the Ultimate Showdown), there was something satisfying about being able to silence an Uzi. Especially one with so much damned ammo to fire about. Loud, powerful, fun, and needlessly violent.The Rifles
Penetrator - FEAR
I'm sure lots of people remember the half-life crossbows. Yes, it was undoubtably fun to nail people to walls and other objects with a big red-hot bolt sticking through them. But FEAR took this one step further. While the HL2 crossbow can only hold a small number of shots, the Penetrator is rapid-fire and does the exact same job. Using this and slow-mo is incredibly fun and certainly puts the enjoyment back in DIY, nailing clone troopers to any avaliable object. Even a sweep across the room would leave people dangling within seconds.
Farsight XR-20 - Perfect Dark
The Farsight is one of the Maian weapons from Perfect Dark, an alien species who like all things blue (maybe they vote Conservative?). All featured the cool reload of picking up this weird blue orb which was then absorbed into the gun. Very freaky.
This gun earns its place here because the scope allowed you to see through walls and lock onto your enemies. A good shooter could then land an instant-kill shot on opponents weaving through the corridors anywhere on the map. If you used the All-Weapons cheat, this also allowed you to shoot at the characters being stored for cutscenes in single-player. Amusement all round.
Laptop Gun - Perfect Dark
Yes, another weapon off Perfect Dark, famed here for all-time because of its originality. In gun form, in the main picture, it fired high-pitched shots at a good speed. Nothing too remarkable there. But for a secondary-mode you could hurl it on a wall and it would deploy into your own sentry gun! The perfect thing for helping you camp on multiplayer - just stick it somewhere, hide behind its fire, and snipe/rocket at your leisure without the risk of retaliation. It was also vital in higher campaign difficulties, and it was just such a damned cool idea.
This weapon is so odd and rare I couldn't find a better picture. My apologies. Basically, it was a grenade that created a big black cloud, both making your opponent's vision blur (a bastard in multiplayer) and it forced you to drop your weapons in confusion. Again, a fantastic concept, but the N64 frame-rate didn't like it. One to use sparingly.
Crowbar - The Half-life series
The old classic - I can't belief Valve replaced it with a wrench in Opposing Force. Anyway, it can break stuff, hit stuff and generally beat stuff. Personally I preferred it in Half-life 1 because it was used both more often and more realistically there for breaking air-vents and smashing glass so you can crawl through windows. I don't remember this once in HL2. In a similar vein to the Chainsaw from the older shooters, weapons that don't shoot are always a nice change.
So there you have it, that's part 1. Please leave comments about whether you agree, disagree, or weapons you think have been omitted here. Tomorrow : The Pistols, Explosives, and "Things that do the most damage in the least time".
Also, thanks to Tom for various discussions relating to this.
Thanks to the Perfect Dark mod for a few pictures, and any other sites I stole these off. Nothing here except my writing is copyright me, but it probably is copyright to someone else. Please don't sue me.
I'm sure lots of people remember the half-life crossbows. Yes, it was undoubtably fun to nail people to walls and other objects with a big red-hot bolt sticking through them. But FEAR took this one step further. While the HL2 crossbow can only hold a small number of shots, the Penetrator is rapid-fire and does the exact same job. Using this and slow-mo is incredibly fun and certainly puts the enjoyment back in DIY, nailing clone troopers to any avaliable object. Even a sweep across the room would leave people dangling within seconds.Farsight XR-20 - Perfect Dark
The Farsight is one of the Maian weapons from Perfect Dark, an alien species who like all things blue (maybe they vote Conservative?). All featured the cool reload of picking up this weird blue orb which was then absorbed into the gun. Very freaky.This gun earns its place here because the scope allowed you to see through walls and lock onto your enemies. A good shooter could then land an instant-kill shot on opponents weaving through the corridors anywhere on the map. If you used the All-Weapons cheat, this also allowed you to shoot at the characters being stored for cutscenes in single-player. Amusement all round.
Laptop Gun - Perfect Dark
Yes, another weapon off Perfect Dark, famed here for all-time because of its originality. In gun form, in the main picture, it fired high-pitched shots at a good speed. Nothing too remarkable there. But for a secondary-mode you could hurl it on a wall and it would deploy into your own sentry gun! The perfect thing for helping you camp on multiplayer - just stick it somewhere, hide behind its fire, and snipe/rocket at your leisure without the risk of retaliation. It was also vital in higher campaign difficulties, and it was just such a damned cool idea.Odd Weapons
Super Gravity Gun - Half-life 2
Yes, it's true. I'm not including the regular gravity gun. Shocked? I'm sorry, it's a great idea and all but hurling paper bags at Combine soldiers does start to wear. And it is simply not an effective tactic to deploy a radiator as a bullet shield then hurl it at someone - USE YOUR DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN! But the Super one is hilarious. As-well as being able to manually rip-apart Striders, pretty much, it can grab people, instantly kill them, and allow you to fling their corpses about. Add on the fact that almost anything can now be picked up, and you have a great weapon that defies most categories.
N-Bomb - Perfect Dark
Yes, it's true. I'm not including the regular gravity gun. Shocked? I'm sorry, it's a great idea and all but hurling paper bags at Combine soldiers does start to wear. And it is simply not an effective tactic to deploy a radiator as a bullet shield then hurl it at someone - USE YOUR DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN! But the Super one is hilarious. As-well as being able to manually rip-apart Striders, pretty much, it can grab people, instantly kill them, and allow you to fling their corpses about. Add on the fact that almost anything can now be picked up, and you have a great weapon that defies most categories.N-Bomb - Perfect Dark
This weapon is so odd and rare I couldn't find a better picture. My apologies. Basically, it was a grenade that created a big black cloud, both making your opponent's vision blur (a bastard in multiplayer) and it forced you to drop your weapons in confusion. Again, a fantastic concept, but the N64 frame-rate didn't like it. One to use sparingly.Crowbar - The Half-life series
The old classic - I can't belief Valve replaced it with a wrench in Opposing Force. Anyway, it can break stuff, hit stuff and generally beat stuff. Personally I preferred it in Half-life 1 because it was used both more often and more realistically there for breaking air-vents and smashing glass so you can crawl through windows. I don't remember this once in HL2. In a similar vein to the Chainsaw from the older shooters, weapons that don't shoot are always a nice change.So there you have it, that's part 1. Please leave comments about whether you agree, disagree, or weapons you think have been omitted here. Tomorrow : The Pistols, Explosives, and "Things that do the most damage in the least time".
Also, thanks to Tom for various discussions relating to this.
Thanks to the Perfect Dark mod for a few pictures, and any other sites I stole these off. Nothing here except my writing is copyright me, but it probably is copyright to someone else. Please don't sue me.
posted by Mkzrj at 11:45 am
6 Comments:
Wooo. Amazing guns.
The Black Uzi was the perfect smg in my opinion. You could silence it, snipe with it, wipe out a whole room with it, and still have enough ammo left to storm the town, kill the bunker, and knock down the building. And be back in time for breakfast, or as the famous line goes, "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!"
Ok, its not really that realistic, but who cares? Not me. If you do, you smell.
Also, its a great shame we couldn't fit the RCP 120 in. I'm still not sure whether it would count as an SMG or Rifle, but either way, it was amazing. And as such, I think I'll give it an honourable mention here. What other gun let you cloak, sneak up behind someone, and still have enough bullets to wipe out everything in sight. True, some of the weapons tomorrow do the everthing in sight thing, but they don't let you cloak as well. Absolutely classic, should have been in the list, but not enough space.
And yes, most of the weapons do appear to be from Perfect Dark. It reaffirms our belief that to create the ultimate fps they simply need to remake Perfect Dark, not change it into some gloss varnish covered cartoon shooter, so the graphics are upto date and so that the game can handle that bloody N-bomb.
Why limit this to just FPSs?
I know the answer is "otherwise there'd be no end to it and the blog would just turn into a stale list of game weapons".
– BUT –
What about the Super Sheep, the Magic Grenade or the Skunk from various versions of Worms?
Also why have no hilarious rocket lanchers been mentioned yet?
Hmmmm. A good point. Tomorrow we will cover the best rocket launcher ever created in any game ever, ever.
But I might mention Worms weapons some day in the future, but it's unlikely to be part of Gaming Week since I know what the next 6 entires are.
Black is the most stupidly entertaining game ever. Overblown Hollywood effects by the barrel, it's like playing an Arnie film about 10 times with four thousand times the ammo and explosions. Kick-ass indeed.
Bring on Black 2 & 3!
And in answer to your thought about bad guys having MP5s, bad guys are not allowed to be accurate.
Have you ever noticed that bad guys empty entire clips and hit nothing but air (and not because a random guy is dodging them all), whereas the hero takes one shot and destroys the entire army? It is this that truly makes a film.
Here are some links that I believe will be interested
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