Legacy

With our new and wholly illegal, undemocratic and unelected Prime Minster ruling our country for the foreseeable future, it seems appropriate that we recap the greatest moments of our previous No. 10 incumbent, who himself was elected by a mere 28% of the population.

Cash for Honours

During his reign, our great leader continued the age-old tradition of sleaze. This begun with the Conservative Party in the lead-up to Blair’s first victory and continued when Blair brought New Labour (otherwise known as the Conservatives) into power. Realising the best way to earn funding was to give out titles that once actually meant something, he brilliantly starting giving peerages to those who donated vast sums of money to the party. This brought in many donations from those desperate for the red robes of office that Blair promised those with more money than morals.

In addition to this stunning piece of economic management, the Labour party also received a £1m donation from Bernie Ecclestone, the Formula One mogul. Not just content with leading the third most boring sport on Earth, he donated this money in order to ensure that he could continue to advertise cigarettes. Even though this donation had to be given back, it was clear from the start that this was a new government, and one determined to use all their wit and cunning to circumvent the political process.

The War in Iraq

Tony Blair and his government continued their legal tour de force when they invaded a country half way across the world unprovoked that posed no possible threat to us or any of our allies. Even though we knew that they didn’t have weapons, couldn’t have weapons, and even if they did couldn’t hit us with them, we still decided that it would be a good idea.

With the encouragement of our friends across the Atlantic who realised that oil should be valued considerably above human lives, we invaded and have now participated in the murder of a million people.

But all this pales.

Because.

The world has gone mad. A cog has fallen out of the mechanisms of reality. A wire has snapped and frayed in the databanks of life. Etc.

Tony Blair has been appointed as an envoy for peace in the Middle East. That’s like appointing Thatcher peace envoy for the miners. Hitler is now peace envoy for non-Aryans. Mao is now peace envoy for Chinese intellectuals. I am now peace envoy for people I really hate. I think you get the idea.

BAE

The icing on this Labour government’s cake of criminals would be the recent BAE scandal, where we apparently bribed the Saudi government in order to give us arms deals. Naturally, this combines the two greatest features of this government – weapons AND monetary scandal! This has now been discontinued because of “issues of national security” – or, to put it another way, Blair doesn’t want to be interrupted while doing the lecture circuit in the US. What a foul man.

Our New Great Leader

So now, Gordon Brown is our Prime Minister. Even those who voted Labour didn't vote for him, so it could easily be argued that not a single person in the entire country voted for him as PM. Hooray for democracy!

Chetz

Celebrities Consider: The Entertainment Industry

Bruce Willis on The Entertainment Industry

Well, as you will know I've been branching out lately, away from the action hero role. It was a nice break from killing the scum of the world (Arabs, Germans and Arabs and Germans played by Brits), however, I'll be returning home soon for the action packed spectacular that is Live Free, Die Hard - or Die Hard 4.0, for the MySpace Intarweb Generation. Critics accuse it of having a blindly patriotic name, that wont appeal to people outside the US. Screw them. They can take their low-tech trash elsewhere while my guns and bald head crush all.
And besides, have you seen the trailer? I dodge a taxi - flying at my head! Yeah, take that England and your stupid Alan Rickman.



Gillian McKeith on The Entertainment Industry

The Entertainment Industry is evil, it's been feeding the world the idea of obesity. All these films where the star takes a bite of a burger without looking at the nutrional value or ingredients. Do they know how much fat they are taking in? It sets a terrible example to the youth. No wonder they suck so much. Sitting there at home, surfing the net- such a cess pool. Mind you, I did get my degree from there, so its not all bad I guess. So it clearly can recognise talent when it finds it.
Watch "You Are What You Eat."



Disgruntled Alien on The Entertainment Industry

WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *wails* What did we do? All you ever do is kill us. TV, Games, Film, you hate us. We're NICE aliens. Why do you think we always want to take over your galaxy - five galaxies is enough! Sure, we wiped out all the races in those, but... they had it coming. They were... odd. Wrong. Yes, wrong. And besides, Independence Day. They zapped the White House. SURELY they were doing you a favour. And you repay them by blowing up their ship. How many millions of lives did you kill by doing that. You sick, sick people. Mass murdering freaks, get away from me!
And then of course Rowan. The horrid man wants to convert us to his religion. Why can you not content yourself with Earth? You are the true monsters! Your media simply confirms it. We'll have to destroy you, for your own good. Like in the recent Doctor Who with the orbs and whatnot.



Rowan Williams on The Entertainment Industry

The current state of depravation prevalent in modern society is directly proportional to the decreasing moral responsiblity accepted by the information presentation mediums of today. Rupert Murdoch is somewhat culpable, endowing these phillistines with the economic aid requisite to producing such crap. It's also with a deep heart and in a saddened society that I comment on the lack of religious content present in the "media". While glorious scripture remains dominated by our illustrious Bible, the same cannot be said of the entertainment industry. We need more Thought for the Day. It should last all day, everyday. And when I finally contruct my Intergalatic Church TM, I will be able to broadcast it straight into your minds! Mwa ha ha ha!



Hilary Clinton on The Entertainment Industry

Hilary for 2008. How could I get that message across without the wonders of the internet, TV, film, radio and other such stuff? Of course though, it is responsible for all gun crime. It brainwashes our kids into mindless killers, thirstly for the blood of innocents. Why else would gun crime be so excessive, and be on the increase in the Semi-autonomous state of England, where our media is filtering through and dirtying their traditional values with the filth of American society. This country sucks ass, and if you want the USA to change, you have to vote for me, you worthless incompetents. My husband may have been a blundering fool, but let me assure you, I'll lead with an iron fist, crushing all those who... I'll be nice. Games, however, must be banned, before they cause society to stagnate and collapse into a pile of violent prostitute murderers and random Gratuitous Violence Bonuses. Or possibly Boni.

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In other news, the blog will speed up once summer begins and I'm no longer quite so concerned by schoolio work. There will be a film-related one later in the week, in addition to possibly another Doctor Who paroby. We'll see.

LAANANNNNn