Thursday, July 05, 2007

Return

Another Stupid Conversation.

Jabberwacky: Who are you?

User: I'm Tom.

Jabberwacky: Tom?

User: Yes. I've been helping Mark with the blog.

Jabberwacky: Thanks.

User: I assume you think the return of the blog will be successful then?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Good on you.

Jabberwacky: Thanks.

User: Are you going to make this entry any more interesting?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Oh.

---------------------

Russell T Davies Fucks Up Doctor Who

Part II

Russell T Davies sat in the board room, brooding. Around him were posters from all the stupid shitty soaps he watched daily in order to get ideas to transplant into Doctor Who like a cancerous gene of death. His closest toadying lackeys sat nearby.
He had been pleased by the increased ratings from the final episode. Even though the tiny Doctor-bird thing was a pile of nonsense and he’d killed off the Master, people seemed to like it. Even he couldn’t fathom how, and he was the one who’d spawned that horrendous miscarriage of fiction. Nevertheless, now that Martha was randomly trundling off to Torchwood, they had to have another assistant.
Russell T Davies dragged over a barrel.
“Listen up people!” he shouted. “We’ve already emptied the barrel, and this last series we scraped the bottom of the barrel with that trash about the Dalek-human hybrid. Tonight, we must check underneath the barrel!”
There was a shocked intake of breath from the assembled assholes. Surely Russell T Davies couldn’t mean bringing her back?
“But…” whispered one. “You can’t do that. She’s talentless. She’s unfunny. She looks like someone who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!”
“Silence!” Russell T Davies screamed, producing a screwdriver. Carefully, he began to lever off the bottom of the barrel. It came apart with a creak of tortured metal, and he peered into the depths beneath. He raised his hand back out, carrying a card. It was filthy, and merely looking at it made several of his morons sick. On it were written the words:

Catherine Tate
  • Anti-Humour
  • Filling in for far better actors
  • Clod
He points to the phone. “Better give her a ring. She’s our new assistant.”

7 Comments:

Blogger Tom said...

It truly is an unbelievably stupid move by Russell T Davies. She is the worst comedienne to have ever destroyed television, and her acting is even more sub-par. Listening to her in the Christmas special was like having your ears violated by rusty cheese graters.
Also, Jabberwacky is wonderful.

12:18 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom, you are mostly right except on one thing. Catherine Tate cannot possibly be described as a comedienne. Using that word makes it seem that she might actually once have been funny (possibly by accident). I can assure you that Catherine Tate has never been funny and never will be.

I wonder if RTD has a bet on for just how bad he can make Doctor Who before the general - and mostly retarded - public realises (having noticed, we are excluded from that group). He has certainly got a long way so far, but the casting of Catherine Tate may have just crossed the line. Even turning the Doctor into Dobby the House-elf didn't work. He even went as far as to make a random American immortal so that he can turn into the face of Bo, despite the face of Bo being about 3000000000 times too big to have possibly come from a human. And making the Doctor be able to control where and when the Tardis goes. This bet is the only possible explanation for making something so incredibly shit.

Also, Jabberwacky is not all that great.

6:55 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

on behalf of catherine tate seeing as she "aint bothered" and as the primo ultimate number one catherine tate fan i think you should all go die in a a hole .... bastards!

8:07 pm  
Blogger Tom said...

I apologise for that. I originally intended to type "comedienne" instead, but forgot the punctuation. As the #1 Catherine Tate hater in the world, I can assure you I would never think of her as funny. She's a complete talentless bitch whose very presence on TV degrades the world, and is just the latest salvo in the BBC's assault on fun.

4:10 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i believe that catherine tate being put on tv is one of the harbingers of the apocalypse and jaberwacky agrees with me too so it must be true

the spawn of satan has fans?

"wtfdihd"

12:07 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoever this "catherine tate fan" is: i know a very good psychiatrist who could have a look at your head...with a chainsaw.

i agree with everythingall other enlightened people have said - and then some. i was gonna launch into more but i think id run out of characters eventually!

good one though, mark. i reckon you should send said blog to out dear Mr R.T. Davies :D

7:31 pm  
Blogger Dawn said...

Must agree with you. After hearing Tate screech through the Runaway Bride episode I cannot believe they are bringing her back as the Doctor's companion. Are they trying to ruin the show? If so, then mission accomplished. Poor David Tennant. :-(

5:21 am  

Post a Comment

<< Home