Cats
The boardroom was silent. All eyes focused on their visionary, the man who had dragged one of British TV's greatest programmes from the embarassement of a vampire film or some shit back into the public eye. The man who had also ruined it utterly with the exception of that good episode with the single Dalek. Many a tear was shed over that one.
Russell T Davies looked over the meeting chamber. There were many people here who had enjoyed the original Doctor Who, back when it was twice the length and had so much more time for character development, plot twists and actual excitement
rather than psycho cats having sex with zombies to create somekind of zombie cat or whatever the hell that episode was all about.
He had savoured the destruction of Doctor Who. It had been fun to change it from a good sci-fi program into nothing more than a time-travelling Eastenders which focused entirely on relationships, but that wasn't enough.
The lure of power was too much.
"Right," he said, "how can we make Doctor Who even worse?"
The others present didn't know. They thought they'd been pulling out all the stops for that episode where the Cyberman cried oil while screaming something about British Imperialism. That concept had been utterly shite, and they were proud of it.
Damned proud.
"Maybe a special guest," suggested one sycophant. "That'll always make things shittier."
Russell T Davies mused upon this thought. "I think it's a good idea. Everyone knows this Celebrity Sex Island and whatnot always gets good figures. Any ideas who? Remember, it must be someone wholly unfunny, talentless, and preferably looking like that wiry Chuckle Brother after he's been flattened with an industrial steam iron. Any ideas?"
It only took a brief second for the entire boardroom to cry "Catherine Tate!" at once.
"Ah," mused Russell T Davies. "Perfect."
He slammed his fist down suddenly. "But that's not enough! We need the shittest plot possible! It is a Christmas Special after all."
"How about they meet Father Christmas?" asked one. "And he turns out to be a fellow Time-Lord?"
Russell T Davies stared at him. "Scott, that is so fucking shit I think I'm going to promote you to assistant jackass. I love it! But she couldn't be Santa. Could she?"
"How about a bride?" suggested another brown-noser. "That's always emotional!"
Russell T Davies gave him a huge thumbs-up. "Bingo. We're trying to make Doctor Who less scifi and more Eastenders anyway, and this is perfect!"
He began to make shapes in the air while thinking about his fiendishly crap plot for the new Doctor Who.
"Okay, okay, we have this bride right? And she got trapped in time because...it's at a Church. The wedding. And someone accidentally pissed on the stain glass, so...the vicar got angry! The vicar who is actually a Time Lord!"
"Genius!" shouted some halfwit.
"And then...and then he traps her in time because he things it was her who did it. But it wasn't! And she's innocent! Then...it turns out the only one who can reverse the time vortex is Santa, because..."
"Elves?" added a moron.
"Perfect! They are like little Time Lords! They focus time energy
with their pointy hats, or some shit. We've never given a proper explanation for anything in this new series, so why start now? And so the Doctor and Cath - we need a name for her bride, by the way - visit Santa and get him to free her!"
There was a brief pause in the boardroom.
"What about presents from Santa?" asked a BBC executive.
Russell T Davies glanced at him. "That's so good I could kiss you! The elves then deposit presents at the wedding or some crazy shit. Kids love presents!"
He sat back with a satisfied smile. "This is going to be the worst Doctor Who episode ever. Apart from the Time Meddler."
------
A wide assortment of brief notes today.
Firstly, a brief advert. As you may be aware, tomorrow is the first Story of WTF expansion! Adding around 120-160 pages of sheer bizarre joy, it's one not to be missed. I suggest you catch up with the original game here, and a word of help - the new areas are accessed from the Ocean and from Mars. So if you haven't found those sections yet, now is the time to get looking!
Secondly, happy Halloween. Unfortunately my house has been plagued all day by chavvy ten-year-olds in rape demon masks howling at the door all evening. Morons. I would've done a Halloween special entry but I honestly couldn't think of anything - except one concept, but I think that would be better used around Xmas.
Thirdly and finally, who watched Torchwood? Despite the fairly dodgy second episode, I thought it was in some ways better than the new Doctor Who. Opinions?
Russell T Davies looked over the meeting chamber. There were many people here who had enjoyed the original Doctor Who, back when it was twice the length and had so much more time for character development, plot twists and actual excitement
rather than psycho cats having sex with zombies to create somekind of zombie cat or whatever the hell that episode was all about.He had savoured the destruction of Doctor Who. It had been fun to change it from a good sci-fi program into nothing more than a time-travelling Eastenders which focused entirely on relationships, but that wasn't enough.
The lure of power was too much.
"Right," he said, "how can we make Doctor Who even worse?"
The others present didn't know. They thought they'd been pulling out all the stops for that episode where the Cyberman cried oil while screaming something about British Imperialism. That concept had been utterly shite, and they were proud of it.
Damned proud.
"Maybe a special guest," suggested one sycophant. "That'll always make things shittier."
Russell T Davies mused upon this thought. "I think it's a good idea. Everyone knows this Celebrity Sex Island and whatnot always gets good figures. Any ideas who? Remember, it must be someone wholly unfunny, talentless, and preferably looking like that wiry Chuckle Brother after he's been flattened with an industrial steam iron. Any ideas?"
It only took a brief second for the entire boardroom to cry "Catherine Tate!" at once.
"Ah," mused Russell T Davies. "Perfect."
He slammed his fist down suddenly. "But that's not enough! We need the shittest plot possible! It is a Christmas Special after all.""How about they meet Father Christmas?" asked one. "And he turns out to be a fellow Time-Lord?"
Russell T Davies stared at him. "Scott, that is so fucking shit I think I'm going to promote you to assistant jackass. I love it! But she couldn't be Santa. Could she?"
"How about a bride?" suggested another brown-noser. "That's always emotional!"
Russell T Davies gave him a huge thumbs-up. "Bingo. We're trying to make Doctor Who less scifi and more Eastenders anyway, and this is perfect!"
He began to make shapes in the air while thinking about his fiendishly crap plot for the new Doctor Who.
"Okay, okay, we have this bride right? And she got trapped in time because...it's at a Church. The wedding. And someone accidentally pissed on the stain glass, so...the vicar got angry! The vicar who is actually a Time Lord!"
"Genius!" shouted some halfwit.
"And then...and then he traps her in time because he things it was her who did it. But it wasn't! And she's innocent! Then...it turns out the only one who can reverse the time vortex is Santa, because..."
"Elves?" added a moron.
"Perfect! They are like little Time Lords! They focus time energy
with their pointy hats, or some shit. We've never given a proper explanation for anything in this new series, so why start now? And so the Doctor and Cath - we need a name for her bride, by the way - visit Santa and get him to free her!"There was a brief pause in the boardroom.
"What about presents from Santa?" asked a BBC executive.
Russell T Davies glanced at him. "That's so good I could kiss you! The elves then deposit presents at the wedding or some crazy shit. Kids love presents!"
He sat back with a satisfied smile. "This is going to be the worst Doctor Who episode ever. Apart from the Time Meddler."
------
A wide assortment of brief notes today.
Firstly, a brief advert. As you may be aware, tomorrow is the first Story of WTF expansion! Adding around 120-160 pages of sheer bizarre joy, it's one not to be missed. I suggest you catch up with the original game here, and a word of help - the new areas are accessed from the Ocean and from Mars. So if you haven't found those sections yet, now is the time to get looking!
Secondly, happy Halloween. Unfortunately my house has been plagued all day by chavvy ten-year-olds in rape demon masks howling at the door all evening. Morons. I would've done a Halloween special entry but I honestly couldn't think of anything - except one concept, but I think that would be better used around Xmas.
Thirdly and finally, who watched Torchwood? Despite the fairly dodgy second episode, I thought it was in some ways better than the new Doctor Who. Opinions?
posted by Mkzrj at 8:28 pm
7 Comments:
Lol.. catherine tate isnt that bad, but ye Dr who just isnt as good as the old ones...
Havn't watched torchwood nor have I had the joys of little kids asking for sweets whilst in festive costumes today...
Very interesting view into the world of the BBC there.... But I don't think Doctor Who is that bad!
Torchwood is good though, and I am tempted to say better
Catherine Tate is hilarious. I mean, "Am I bovvered?" repeated ad tedium will never get old.
I can't think of anything more funny. Except possibly a turd. Or some other inanimate object. Or any animate object. Or just ANYTHING. EVER.
And (despite not having seen it) I think Torchwood is shit. If it's a spin-off of shit, then it must be doubly shit.
You have a picture of Catherine Tate in your entry. You do not need a special Halloween entry. You have all the fright value right there already.
I personally think Catherine Tate is the single worst comedienne of all time. Far worse even than Jo Brand, and anyone who knows how much I despise her knows how severe that is. And worse than Little Britain. Little Britain is complete and utter tripe, but she is worse. If there is something worse, I have yet to find it. Maybe George Bush featuring in a Little Britain episode dressed up as a Jo Brand/ Catherine Tate hybrid who engages in mating rituals with a leprechaun. But that hasn't happened yet, and I hope never will.
There were a FEW good episodes. These were :
The Satan Pit pt1
Dalek
The Slitheen Ones
Some bits of the final two-parter with the Daleks and Cybermen.
a) catherine tate: ew... get off our planet
(faffington-ur going to get ur head tested by me-using a soup spoon-she doesnt deserve ur sarcasm)
b) Dr Who: Lay off it! it rox ok? end of.
c) Torchwood: woooo!! that is so good...and it seems it can only get better
the end xxxxx
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