Assembly
My apologies for the humour index of yesterday's entry being below standards. I assure you tomorrow's will make up for it. However, for today, we have the second guest entry, this time from someone who apparently wishes to remain anonymous to keep people guessing. It is about the school assembly, and deals with some very powerful issues.
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Assembly
A guest entry by a Nony Mouse
Assembly. The word means a number of things to different people, but a quick look at the define:assembly function on google reveals that it simply means the "single units mulled together". But for what purpose? Do these single units, aka students, learn anything by this gathering?
Certainly not. The rest of the school day is designed for lessons, and assembly-time is too-early-in-the-morning-time for leaning. And for learning. Therefore, my proposition here is this: That we should seek to replace assemblies in educational establishments around the world with far more interesting, enriching and entertaining alternatives! I shall outline some of my saner suggested schemes below, but feel welcome to add your own.
Scheme number 1 : Voice changing units
If every speaker at assemblies were to simply don a simple audio processing unit on a microphone, then any talk would instantly become enthralling. By shifting voices up in pitch, down in pitch or into Darth-vader like tones, you will find a quick way to spice up these "mulling togethers" that easily outlasts the duration of the talk.
Scheme number 2 : Piranhas
This one is slightly more dangerous but has a higher wow factor. Basically, the idea is that one uses a large fishbowl (twice the height of a man) filled with piranhas. And water. Instant amusement - and members of the onlooking crowd will be tempted to throw items into the bowl. Even better if one or more members of staff of the educational establishment are hung over the top by a crane and slowly dipped in. Who needs health and/or safety?
Scheme number 3 : Unicycle
Anything looks good on a unicycle.
Scheme number 3.5 : Custard unicycle
"What is a custard unicycle?" I hear you ask. Well, it is not, as you may have assumed, a vehicle with one wheel and two pedals that is made entirely of custard! [I first thought this - Mkzrj] It is instead, a normal unicycle with one wheel and two pedals that has a concealed 'squirt gun' that shoots low viscosity custard, for pranks and somewhat comical amusement. Add this to any assembly and you will instantly be interested.
On a sidenote, there was an entertainer in the nineteen-eighties who had a mildly successful TV career with his famous custard unicycle. I have a few taped episodes that I cherish as he is very entertaining. He was the inventor of the custard unicycle and pulled many pranks on people using the custard squirting action on his unicycle. Bonus points to anyone who can comment with this man's name. Here is a picture of him on a show:
Scheme number 4 : Crazier charities
We all know it is good to donate money to help good causes, but sometimes slightly more odd charitable things are overlooked. We should not forget these when fundraising, and perhaps some assemblies could be dedicated to promoting these odder, but just as important, charities. For example, the other day I saw a plea for the "AAAA", a.k.a. the Alcoholic Albino Albanians Anonymous. They have trouble raising funds for their important Anti-Alchol-Abuse campaign overseas in Albania, since many people believe they are merely a joke charity. Any asssembly about "Alcoholic Albino Albanians Anonymous" amuses. This is a scientifically proven fact in many scientific journals, including this one.
So there you have it, several fool-proof ways to improve the regular dull assembly, which under our new school leadership sometimes contains disturbing and wholly inappropriate images. You all know what I mean.Certainly not. The rest of the school day is designed for lessons, and assembly-time is too-early-in-the-morning-time for leaning. And for learning. Therefore, my proposition here is this: That we should seek to replace assemblies in educational establishments around the world with far more interesting, enriching and entertaining alternatives! I shall outline some of my saner suggested schemes below, but feel welcome to add your own.
Scheme number 1 : Voice changing units
If every speaker at assemblies were to simply don a simple audio processing unit on a microphone, then any talk would instantly become enthralling. By shifting voices up in pitch, down in pitch or into Darth-vader like tones, you will find a quick way to spice up these "mulling togethers" that easily outlasts the duration of the talk.
Scheme number 2 : Piranhas
This one is slightly more dangerous but has a higher wow factor. Basically, the idea is that one uses a large fishbowl (twice the height of a man) filled with piranhas. And water. Instant amusement - and members of the onlooking crowd will be tempted to throw items into the bowl. Even better if one or more members of staff of the educational establishment are hung over the top by a crane and slowly dipped in. Who needs health and/or safety?Scheme number 3 : Unicycle
Anything looks good on a unicycle.
Scheme number 3.5 : Custard unicycle
"What is a custard unicycle?" I hear you ask. Well, it is not, as you may have assumed, a vehicle with one wheel and two pedals that is made entirely of custard! [I first thought this - Mkzrj] It is instead, a normal unicycle with one wheel and two pedals that has a concealed 'squirt gun' that shoots low viscosity custard, for pranks and somewhat comical amusement. Add this to any assembly and you will instantly be interested.
On a sidenote, there was an entertainer in the nineteen-eighties who had a mildly successful TV career with his famous custard unicycle. I have a few taped episodes that I cherish as he is very entertaining. He was the inventor of the custard unicycle and pulled many pranks on people using the custard squirting action on his unicycle. Bonus points to anyone who can comment with this man's name. Here is a picture of him on a show:
Scheme number 4 : Crazier charities
We all know it is good to donate money to help good causes, but sometimes slightly more odd charitable things are overlooked. We should not forget these when fundraising, and perhaps some assemblies could be dedicated to promoting these odder, but just as important, charities. For example, the other day I saw a plea for the "AAAA", a.k.a. the Alcoholic Albino Albanians Anonymous. They have trouble raising funds for their important Anti-Alchol-Abuse campaign overseas in Albania, since many people believe they are merely a joke charity. Any asssembly about "Alcoholic Albino Albanians Anonymous" amuses. This is a scientifically proven fact in many scientific journals, including this one.
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posted by Mkzrj at 4:48 pm
5 Comments:
I WONDER who could've written this article... excellent work whoever did!
"You all know what I mean."
I don't. :(:(
Although I too wonder greatly who could have written this update...
Yes, he is quite the wit.
Hehe...
No, the person who wrote this is a retard who has no friends.
But anyway, anything that doesn't involve urinating baby sons of the Headmaster is good.
ANYTHING.
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