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You take the blue pill and the story ends.
You wake in your bed and you believe
whatever you want to believe.
You take the yellow pill (red were out of stock), you stay
in WTFland, and I show you how
deep the Dwarven Mine goes.

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NOW! CLICK THE BIG GIANT LINK ABOVE!
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There are too many adverts these days telling you to lose weight. Because of this, our group of concerned opponents have started the campaign to Save those calories! We offer helpful diet & lifestyle advice to pile on the pounds and keep those lovehandles in order!

• Always travel by public transport, because it gives several benefits. It's slow so you have more time to sit about, and you don't have to make any effort driving you to your latest location. There is also time onboard to eat more burgers (see the next point) and increase your width index.
• Eat constantly. Places such as McDonalds, Burger King and KFC are vital for this. We suggest getting a map and marking on the places closest to your house and your place of work. Then you can figure out the most effective routes that get you where you need to you, but also collects as much junk food as possible.
  
• Never move. You may have heard on the news about the man found with remote controls hidden in his undulating folds of flab - this is the way ahead! Get other people to do things for you, or - for the mechanically minded - rig up a pulley system to do everything you need as the push of a button. If you're going the full 9 yards, buy yourself a poking stick to hit the button with. This saves valuable energy!
• Destroy all healthly foods in your house. Everyone hates spinach & brussel sprouts - that's because they're bad for you! A friend of a friend of ours once tried to prove in his garage this was the case, so it must be true! Carrots are another no-go zone : steer clear of such temptations. You also may want to campaign against your nearby Supermarket selling such foods if you are one of these people who feels a need to tell everyone about their habits.
  
• Remember - "Time spent eating is time spent growing!" TM.