Legacy

With our new and wholly illegal, undemocratic and unelected Prime Minster ruling our country for the foreseeable future, it seems appropriate that we recap the greatest moments of our previous No. 10 incumbent, who himself was elected by a mere 28% of the population.

Cash for Honours

During his reign, our great leader continued the age-old tradition of sleaze. This begun with the Conservative Party in the lead-up to Blair’s first victory and continued when Blair brought New Labour (otherwise known as the Conservatives) into power. Realising the best way to earn funding was to give out titles that once actually meant something, he brilliantly starting giving peerages to those who donated vast sums of money to the party. This brought in many donations from those desperate for the red robes of office that Blair promised those with more money than morals.

In addition to this stunning piece of economic management, the Labour party also received a £1m donation from Bernie Ecclestone, the Formula One mogul. Not just content with leading the third most boring sport on Earth, he donated this money in order to ensure that he could continue to advertise cigarettes. Even though this donation had to be given back, it was clear from the start that this was a new government, and one determined to use all their wit and cunning to circumvent the political process.

The War in Iraq

Tony Blair and his government continued their legal tour de force when they invaded a country half way across the world unprovoked that posed no possible threat to us or any of our allies. Even though we knew that they didn’t have weapons, couldn’t have weapons, and even if they did couldn’t hit us with them, we still decided that it would be a good idea.

With the encouragement of our friends across the Atlantic who realised that oil should be valued considerably above human lives, we invaded and have now participated in the murder of a million people.

But all this pales.

Because.

The world has gone mad. A cog has fallen out of the mechanisms of reality. A wire has snapped and frayed in the databanks of life. Etc.

Tony Blair has been appointed as an envoy for peace in the Middle East. That’s like appointing Thatcher peace envoy for the miners. Hitler is now peace envoy for non-Aryans. Mao is now peace envoy for Chinese intellectuals. I am now peace envoy for people I really hate. I think you get the idea.

BAE

The icing on this Labour government’s cake of criminals would be the recent BAE scandal, where we apparently bribed the Saudi government in order to give us arms deals. Naturally, this combines the two greatest features of this government – weapons AND monetary scandal! This has now been discontinued because of “issues of national security” – or, to put it another way, Blair doesn’t want to be interrupted while doing the lecture circuit in the US. What a foul man.

Our New Great Leader

So now, Gordon Brown is our Prime Minister. Even those who voted Labour didn't vote for him, so it could easily be argued that not a single person in the entire country voted for him as PM. Hooray for democracy!